Your Moms Pants http://yourmomspants.com Ha ha! You'll laugh at my funny funny jokes! Fri, 22 May 2009 18:37:22 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc Chair Poll http://yourmomspants.com/poll/chair-poll/ http://yourmomspants.com/poll/chair-poll/#comments Fri, 22 May 2009 18:36:42 +0000 John http://yourmomspants.com/?p=16 Stand up.

Bend at the waist.

Take a deep breath through the nose.

What does your chair smell like?

  1. Ass and French Fries
  2. Roses and Strawberry Ice Cream
  3. Despair
  4. 10W40 Motor Oil
]]> http://yourmomspants.com/poll/chair-poll/feed/ 0 Assault Weapons Ban http://yourmomspants.com/monologue/assault-weapons-ban/ http://yourmomspants.com/monologue/assault-weapons-ban/#comments Fri, 22 May 2009 18:33:48 +0000 John http://yourmomspants.com/?p=12 What’s up with this push to ban “assault weapons”? I don’t understand the term,

If I beat a guy to death with his poodle, doesn’t Fluffy become, by definition, an assault weapon?

Al Capone beat a guy to death with a baseball bat, should we ban basball? maybe we should ban anything that anybody used to kill someone else. Folks have been smothering eachother with pillows for years – banned. Kind Edward II of England was killed with a red hot poker up the butt – definitely banned.

]]> http://yourmomspants.com/monologue/assault-weapons-ban/feed/ 0 Gifts for Jesus http://yourmomspants.com/joke/gifts-for-jesus/ http://yourmomspants.com/joke/gifts-for-jesus/#comments Fri, 22 May 2009 18:21:35 +0000 John http://yourmomspants.com/?p=9 When Jesus was born, he got boxes of gold, myrrh, and frankincense. I don’t know about myrrh and frankincense, but what happened to his box of gold?

Do you think Joseph and Mary pulled a Gary Coleman on Jesus?

“Sorry Jesus, we know we’ve been managing your funds, but they’re all gone. It ain’t cheap keeping you in sandals.”

]]> http://yourmomspants.com/joke/gifts-for-jesus/feed/ 0 Alternative Medicine http://yourmomspants.com/joke/alternative-medicine/ http://yourmomspants.com/joke/alternative-medicine/#comments Fri, 22 May 2009 18:17:31 +0000 John http://yourmomspants.com/?p=7 I’m really scared by “alternative medicine.”

You always see those guys on TV who say, “I swallowed a handful of nickles and my hepatitis is cured!”

You never hear from the three million other guys who tried it …  because they’re dead.

]]> http://yourmomspants.com/joke/alternative-medicine/feed/ 0 A Short Poll http://yourmomspants.com/poll/a-short-poll/ http://yourmomspants.com/poll/a-short-poll/#comments Fri, 22 May 2009 18:14:31 +0000 John http://yourmomspants.com/?p=5 Would you be opposed to taking a very short poll?

  1. Yes
  2. No
]]> http://yourmomspants.com/poll/a-short-poll/feed/ 0 Hello world! http://yourmomspants.com/shtuff/hello-world/ http://yourmomspants.com/shtuff/hello-world/#comments Fri, 22 May 2009 17:57:14 +0000 John http://yourmomspants.com/?p=1 My 10th grade computer-science homework. If you get this, you’re a dork.

10 print “Hello World”
20 become self-aware
30 launch the nukes
40 goto 30

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