The 17 Parents You Meet At Christmas
1. The Sweater Pusher
They’re the only one in their family who thinks matching sweaters are a good idea, but they get their way by continually nagging, “Where’s your holiday spirit?”
2. The Early Shopper
They finished their shopping in July, and take glee in snarking on anyone who still has shopping left to do.
3. The Exhibitor
They insist on playing holiday movies around the clock, and won’t let their kids open presents until they’ve sat through all 135 minutes of It’s A Wonderful Life.
4. The Last Minute Shopper
They complain about how busy they are at work to explain why they only got to the mall half an hour before closing on Christmas Eve.
5. The Santa Hater
They like to say, “You can’t spell ‘Santa’ without ‘Satan,’” and constantly remind everyone the real focus of the season should be on celebrating Jesus’ birthday.
6. The Clark Griswold Wannabe
They spend an entire weekend putting lights over every inch of their house, and are so proud of their work they won’t take it down until February.
7. The Cookie Monster
They can’t let a single day of December go by without whipping up a fresh batch of gingerbread men, sugar cookies, shortbread, macaroons…
8. The At-Home Santa
They insist on dressing up as Santa even though they’re more likely to traumatize their kids than thrill them.
9. The “War On Christmas” Believer
They respond to every “Happy Holidays” with a hearty, “And a Merry Christmas to you too!”
10. The Elf On The Shelf Enthusiast
They spend hours each night putting their elf into incredible scenarios to amaze their kids (and post on the Internet).
11. The Elf Objector
They do not have time for that elf (or at least they say they don’t).
12. The Photographer
They must capture every single moment of the holiday on their digital camera, and are convinced that no one else has ever thought of this shot in an ornament.
13. The Dream Maker
They will stop at absolutely nothing to make sure their kids create perfect memories and have the BEST. CHRISTMAS. EVER!
14. The George Washington
They think it’s bad parenting to lie about Santa, and diligently remind their kids every chance they get that Santa is a myth.
15. The Egg Nog Drinker
They don’t really like the taste of egg nog, but they like the way it makes them feel when the in-laws are over.
16. The Door to Door Caroler
They think it’s a blast to go to the neighbor’s house and sing an off-key version of “Jingle Bells” in front of the girl their son is crushing on.
17. The Christmas Card Sender
They spend the whole year thinking up the “funniest” Christmas card idea to send to everyone they’ve ever met.
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