Stand up.
Bend at the waist.
Take a deep breath through the nose.
What does your chair smell like?
- Ass and French Fries
- Roses and Strawberry Ice Cream
- Despair
- 10W40 Motor Oil
Chair Poll
Posted in poll.
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Assault Weapons Ban
What’s up with this push to ban “assault weapons”? I don’t understand the term,
If I beat a guy to death with his poodle, doesn’t Fluffy become, by definition, an assault weapon?
Al Capone beat a guy to death with a baseball bat, should we ban basball? maybe we should ban anything that anybody used to kill someone else. Folks have been smothering eachother with pillows for years - banned. Kind Edward II of England was killed with a red hot poker up the butt - definitely banned.
Posted in monologue.
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Gifts for Jesus
When Jesus was born, he got boxes of gold, myrrh, and frankincense. I don’t know about myrrh and frankincense, but what happened to his box of gold?
Do you think Joseph and Mary pulled a Gary Coleman on Jesus?
“Sorry Jesus, we know we’ve been managing your funds, but they’re all gone. It ain’t cheap keeping you in sandals.”
Posted in joke.
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Alternative Medicine
I’m really scared by “alternative medicine.”
You always see those guys on TV who say, “I swallowed a handful of nickles and my hepatitis is cured!”
You never hear from the three million other guys who tried it … because they’re dead.
Posted in joke.
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Hello world!
My 10th grade computer-science homework. If you get this, you’re a dork.
10 print “Hello World”
20 become self-aware
30 launch the nukes
40 goto 30
Posted in shtuff.